Are you grieving the loss of alcohol?

Have you found yourself at a crossroads with your “old friend?” Perhaps you are recognizing that this is the end of a relationship that, for a time, served a purpose. Alcohol may have seemingly been the friend that helped you unwind after a stressful day or gave you the courage to face certain social situations. But now, as you’re venturing forward, it becomes clear that this friendship has lost its way. And letting go often brings up a mixture of emotions - sadness, anger, fear, even nostalgia - and it's essential to understand that no emotion is wrong.

Give yourself permission to feel these emotions completely. To truly move forward, we must

retrace and face the origin(s) of those emotions. Then step back and assess the circumstances

that lead to those feelings with greater clarity. Finally, only then do we truly recognize the truth

about our old friend and embrace our feelings most honestly and fully.

A Three-Step Process to Navigating your Grief.

Grieving may be a part of your alcohol-free journey, but it's not the destination. As you trek through this potentially uncomfortable territory, you can use Affective Liminal Psychology, a powerful tool introduced by my mentor and colleague Annie Grace at This Naked Mind, to help stabilize us. More specifically, you can employ the ACT Technique (Awareness, Clarity, and Turnaround).

Step 1: Awareness – Sit with Your Emotions

This first step invites you to be fully present with your emotions, even when they’re

uncomfortable. Rather than running from them, masking them, or seeking distractions, simply

sit with them. For example, recognize that it's 5 o'clock, and you're feeling anxiety or sadness.

This is typically the time when you would pour a drink, and now you feel as if you’re missing out

on something. You notice a tightness in your chest and a heaviness in your heart. You feel

anxious and think, "I miss the comfort of my evening drink." You sit with this emotion,

acknowledging it fully.

Step 2: Clarity – Question the Root of Your Emotion

As you sit with your emotion, it’s time to ask yourself what is truly beneath it. What are you

actually desiring in this moment? Is it the alcohol itself, or is it something deeper - a longing for

connection, relaxation, or validation? Perhaps you dig deeper and realize, "What I’m really

missing is the sense of connection I used to feel when I shared a drink with my friends or

partner, and the relaxation that seemed to come with it." But was it the alcohol, or was it the

idea of unwinding, bonding, and feeling seen/heard/known? Often, our feelings of missing

alcohol stem not from the substance itself, but from what we believe it provided us.

Step 3: Turnaround – Shift Your Perspective and Move Forward

This final step involves flipping the internal script. Once you have clarity about what you’re truly

seeking, it’s time to accept that truth and move forward with a more accurate label for your

experience. Recognize that it wasn’t the alcohol itself that you were missing, but rather, the

sense of connection, relaxation, and/or relief it seemed to provide. Then you accept that your

sadness is really about a desire for something else, e.g. deeper connection with loved ones.

You realize that you were using alcohol to mask these underlying feelings or to help you bond

deeper with someone. Now you can take actionable steps to seek out that connection in more

meaningful ways - planning an activity with a loved one, finding new ways to relax, or allowing

yourself to feel without numbing.

Understanding What You're Really Grieving

Moments where it feels like you truly miss alcohol may continue to occur for a while. This is

natural, especially considering the neuroscience behind alcohol's impact on the brain and body.

However, more often than not, alcohol was used as a band-aid, masking a situation you didn't

want to face or manage the stress you may have thought you were ill-equipped to handle. By

questioning your deeply held beliefs, you can uncover the truth at the core of your relationship

with alcohol, and see it for what it really is.

Moving forward with Courage and Clarity

As you walk this path of alcohol-free living, know that it’s okay to grieve the loss of alcohol. Feel every emotion fully, then gently challenge and accept it. Remember, this journey is not about fighting against yourself, but about discovering the truth beneath the surface. Alcohol may have felt like a reliable friend at one time, but as you continue forward, you'll find new, healthier ways to meet your needs, nourish your spirit, and live a life that feels authentic and fulfilled.

You’ll find freedom and true joy.