Reflecting on my Relationships

As I recently celebrated my 25th wedding anniversary, I couldn’t help but reflect on the journey my husband and I have shared. I feel an immense sense of gratitude for having such a kind, loving, and strong partner by my side through the many chapters of life. Our relationship has evolved in countless ways, but one of the most profound changes occurred when I chose to live alcohol-free. This decision has strengthened our bond in ways I never imagined, allowing me to be fully present and completely authentic in our time together. 

But getting to this place wasn’t always easy.

When I first began contemplating an alcohol-free life, I felt an overwhelming sense of dread. Not because of the changes it would bring to me personally, but because of what I feared it would do to my relationships. My husband and I had bonded for years over a drink (or two, or more) in the evenings. It was our nightly ritual, the way we reconnected after long days. I worried, “If I give up alcohol, would we lose that quiet, intimate time together?"

And it wasn’t just my marriage I was concerned about. I feared what my decision would do to my friendships, too. Social gatherings, celebrations, even casual dinners - everything seemed to revolve around having a drink. The thought of being the one drinking sparkling water while others had a beer or raised a glass to toast felt so isolating. I worried, “Would I still fit in? Would people see me differently?" 

Over time I’ve realized these fears were largely projections of my own imagination. The unknown can be intimidating, and we often paint worst-case scenarios in our minds. The truth is, while relationships may shift when you choose to walk the alcohol-free path, they don’t have to weaken. In fact, most relationships, especially those that are deeply rooted, have the potential to not only survive, but thrive.

Here’s the thing: first and foremost, going alcohol-free changes “you.” And as you grow into a more present, self-aware version of yourself, your relationships have an opportunity to deepen, too. You become more authentic in your connections because you’re no longer hiding behind a haze of alcohol. The real you - with all your emotions, thoughts, and energy - emerges, and that opens the door to new levels of connection.

All relationships need to navigate through some conflict at one time or another. In the past, alcohol may have served as a quick escape from heavy emotions or situations, and without it, you're challenged to face these feelings directly. While perhaps intimidating at first, being fully present allows you to build emotional resilience and develop healthier ways of managing stress.

Instead of numbing emotions, you process them, which leads to clearer communication in relationships. You no longer avoid conflict, but approach it with calm and intention, inviting your partner or loved ones to work with you to resolve issues. This shared approach to conflict resolution ultimately strengthens bonds, builds trust, and deepens connection.

I’ve also learned that much of the anxiety I had around how others would react was misplaced. People who truly love and care about you will support your decision, even if they don’t fully understand it. Open communication is key. Let people know that your choice to go alcohol-free is just that, your choice. When they understand that it’s not a judgment of their behavior, it often takes the pressure off any situation. It allows space for more honest and comfortable interactions.

At the same time, it’s equally important to let go of the need to manage other people’s feelings about your decision. You may worry that they’ll assume there’s a hidden problem behind your choice or that they’ll feel uncomfortable drinking around you. But that’s their potential discomfort to manage, not yours. Your responsibility is to honor your own journey, and in doing so, you might just inspire someone else to reflect on their relationship with alcohol, too.

In my experience, the relationships that matter most - whether it’s with my husband, my children, or my closest friends - have only grown stronger since I stopped drinking. We’ve created new memories, shared deeper conversations, and built a level of trust and understanding that might not have been possible if alcohol were still in the picture. These relationships were never truly about alcohol - they were about connection, and now that connection feels more genuine than ever.

So, if you’re contemplating going alcohol-free and worrying about what it might do to your relationships, I encourage you to shift your perspective. Rather than fearing what you might lose, start looking forward to what you could gain. Deeper connections, more meaningful moments, and heightened self-awareness are all gifts waiting for you on your journey. 

My marriage, my bond with my children, and my friendships have all flourished in ways I never expected. And I firmly believe that yours can, too. Embrace this journey as an opportunity to grow - not just personally, but in your relationships as well. What lies ahead could very well be your most beautiful and authentic version of connections yet.